Biddyjournal: 2005

NAME: Delia Mary Teresa Bradshaw (nee Will)

Comments
Delia was the name of my paternal grandmother. She was born Delia Bannon in Galway, Ireland, and emigrated to Australia in 1884 as a young woman.

Mary was the name of my maternal grandmother. She always discouraged talk about the country of origin of her Knox forebears, wanting to leave ‘all that’ far behind. Nobody knew or cared what part of England (or was it Northern Ireland? Or Scotland?) or when.

Teresa is the name I took for confirmation at the age of ten. At that time, I had Teresa of Lisieux in mind; today, I’m more inclined towards Teresa of Avila. But then, these days, I’d probably choose a different name altogether.

Bradshaw is a welcome relief from my original name of Will which always prompted "Well, where there’s a will, there’s a way" or equally irritating proverbs. Bradshaw, meaning ‘broad wood’, is an old border country name evoking trees and groves and a love of place.

Reflections
Naming is a powerful act, exerting a huge influence on identity formation. How we are named and how we name ourselves, the names we prefer and the nicknames we detest, all contribute to our own and others’ sense of who we are and who we want to be. As a child and adolescent , I was called ‘Del’. In early adulthood, I favoured and introduced myself as ‘Delia’, disliking the truncated ‘Del’. Now, easier with myself and relaxed about honouring different times and stages in my life, I’m happy with either. At this stage of my life, I am more drawn to the meanings embedded in the names, and especially preoccupied with my grandmother Delia’s story, taking great sustenance and pleasure from identifying with her cultural roots and uncovering what we share in common.

KEY LIFE INFLUENCES
· Being the first (much feted) daughter after three sons
· Attending ‘Kilbreda College’, a Catholic girls secondary school run by Brigidine nuns
· Coming under the spell of my Swiss-born French teacher in Year 11
· Reveling in my first boyfriend at the age of 17 and losing him at 19
· Discovering, at Melbourne University in the mid-60’s, that writers, poets and ‘intellectuals’ are live today, and don’t only exist in books
· Making friends with and visiting the homes of women from a range of European backgrounds, elated by the sights, tastes and sounds of other cultures
· Joining a university women’s group, the first of dozens to come
· Working as a secondary school teacher, throughout my 20’s, in a variety of places – in south-east Gippsland, in a working class suburb in Melbourne’s north-west, in a English borstal, in the ‘hippie’ hills on the outskirts of Melbourne – each of which called me in a different way to examine ALL my beliefs
· Living overseas for two years, in my mid-20’s, in Europe, the Middle East and South-East Asia
· Learning about lesbianism from my first friend who ‘came out’
· Working on a migrant women’s project for 3 years, a magic passport that gave me entry to dozens of largely invisible ethno-specific women’s groups all over Melbourne.

Comments
This is but a tiny sampling, almost chosen at random, that stops in my early 30’s. It is suggestive and certainly not comprehensive.

Reflections
What do I make of this small sample of life highlights gathered together in this way? I realise that I love being the age I am. I love being able to look back on a stretch of history, to discern patterns, connections and origins. In this collection of early life experiences, I see the seeds of my feminism, my socialism, my multiculturalism. Whilst I cannot explain why I was drawn, as if magnetically, to particular people and places and situations, I can see how these encounters have influenced my life since.

I see the significance of certain values and habits I learnt at school. It was made very clear to us that we embarked on a quest for learning not primarily for ourselves but for the good of the wider society. We were encouraged to approach everything we did through the framework of ‘look, judge, act’. I’ve only recently realised that I still follow this methodology for social justice today – ‘what is the nature of the situation? What are the ethical issues? What is to be done?’ Action, doing something about a ‘problem’, was an imperative.

BEST LOVED BOOKS
· Wuthering Heights
· Gaining Ground
· The Harem Within
· A Map of the New Country
· Eva Luna
· The Dinner Party
· Australian Women Artists
· Journal of a Solitude
· The Cancer Journals
· Letter to a Child Never Born
· Women’s Ways of Knowing
· Snake Cradle and Snake Dreaming

Comments
Again, I’ve not compiled this list in a rigorously studious way nor does it cover my life span to date. I jotted down whatever came to mind on the day of writing. I know there are dozens more and that a different day would bring a different list.

Reflections
What does this list of books tell me? Almost exclusively, I read books by women, for women and about women. I love stories about spiritual journeys, those narratives that trace the sources and significance of values and beliefs. I can never read too many autobiographies, those attempts to make meaning of a life. The life stories that captivate me most are those about artists, philosophers and others struggling to express richer ways of seeing and understanding and living.

HEROES/IDOLS/SOURCES OF INSPIRATION
· Isadora Duncan
· Joan Baez
· Tonie Fajdiga (my French teacher)
· Saint Brigid
· Rosa Luxemburg
· Virginia Woolf
· Emily Bronte
· Isabelle Eberhardt
· Hildegard of Bingen
· Roberta Sykes
· Robyn Archer
· Grace Cossington Smith
· Mary Robinson
· Sally Potter
· Judy Chicago
· Clarice Beckett
· Sweet Honey in the Rock

Comments
As with Key Influences and Best Loved Books, this is a spontaneous, not a meticulously organised, compilation. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of women who have inspired, breathed life, into me.

Reflections
What can you tell me from this collection?

ASPIRATIONS
· To excite adult educators about the powerful personal and social possibilities of their work
· To write well, with passion, clarity and cogency, about the relationship between adult education and social well-being
· To participate in projects that are on the pioneering margins
· To be a thoughtful and energetic contributor to the communities (including families, friendship circles, workplace groups, internationalist networks and the local neighbourhood) to which I belong
· To compose and bring to life rituals that draw on all the arts to commemorate key life moments
· To laugh and dance more

Comments
This is a shift from the past to the future, from receiving to giving.

Reflections
What, of all I’ve read and thought and done, now really matters in my life? This involves making choices, often hard ones, about what is both desirable and possible. It invites the marriage of values and actions; it requires reconciling values and constraints. What I decide will not only reveal basic truths about ‘who I am’ but will also profoundly determine ‘who I will be’. It will also contribute to what sort of society we will be. Every micro decision I make has macro consequences; every action we take (or don’t take) is weaving, however minimally, the socio-cultural texture of our future.

ENDNOTE
What if I’d written this:
· A year ago?
· Five years ago?
· Thirty five years ago?

Comments
Something I did write five years ago is another way of contemplating this conundrum of identity, what I now call ‘this multiplicity of selves’. In a discussion about how to deal with a difficult relationship, a friend had suggested that I engage in an internal dialogue about the nature of the difficulties. I decided to do this, in writing, in my journal. To my surprise, when I sat down to write, two selves appeared, one calling herself Miss Prim, the other The Fairy Selves, two very articulate characters who spoke from different parts within me. Their dialogue with each other revealed the plurality of voices and allegiances within me, presumably within all of us.

A month later, sensing there must be more selves keen to express themselves, I sent an invitation to my inner world inviting all interested selves to afternoon tea. I knew that it wouldn’t be till I opened the door that I’d know who would come. To my amazement and joy, in came, one by one,

* Metaphor Mary
* Claire the Clear
* Brigid, the Icon-lover
* May, the journal Self
* Tapestry, the seeker after patterns of Beauty and Meaning
* Sprite, the Spirit of Ideals, Values and Ethics .

During the course of their conversation, it became clear that another self, the one that pre-judges and forecloses prematurely, seemed to be absent. It was Sprite, my voice of conscience, who pointed out that Primadonna was indeed there: it didn’t take much prompting from Sprite to see that there was something of the shadow in all of the selves present.

Reflections
At any moment, we are a fusion of many selves, many voices, many roles, an ever-changing blend of who we’ve been, who we are and who we could become. The combinations and permutations are infinite. Which do we want to favour and which discourage? Are some now unnecessary, to be thanked and farewelled? Are some needing encouragement and an energy boost?

OTHERS’ PERCEPTIONS
Who knows?

Delia Bradshaw, March 1999